Unable to speak, she pushed the phone at Jon with an expression of abject terror that pleaded for him to take it. He was helpless to do anything else but accept it, and she fled the room.
“Hello?”
“Oui. With whom, may I ask, am I speaking with?”
“Mr. Bongiovi. Who is this?”
“Monsieur Bongiovi, this is the funeral home. We were calling to inform Mademoiselle Moretti that Madamé Leblanc’s ashes are available for retrieval.”
Jon rubbed his hand over his forehead.
Well, that explains that.
“Would it be possible for you to have someone deliver...” The woman on the other end interrupted before he could finish.
“Excuse me for asking, Mr. Bongiovi, but are you related to the deceased, or Ms. Moretti? I really shouldn’t be discussing this with you if you are not.”
“Yes. Ms. Moretti is my-” Fiancée wasn’t good, since that needed to be kept quiet, and a fiancée wasn’t technically family anyway. Forgoing the explanation, he simply said, “Yes. I am.”
“Good. Then to answer your question, no. Regulations prohibit delivery of a loved one’s remains. There is some paperwork that requires signatures, and an urn must be selected.”
“I see.” This was going to be difficult no matter what, but he’d hoped to avoid putting Ari in a gloomy funeral home setting. “We can stop by sometime this afternoon, if that’s okay?”
“Yes. We are here until six.”
Jon ended the call and went in search of Ariana.
He found her on the couch in the living room, legs curled under her and arms hugging a pillow while her chin rested on one arm. The fingers of one hand played with the pillow tassels as she stared blankly out the window.
Jon sat on the coffee table in front of her, resting a hand on hers.
He hated finding her cheeks pale and stained by tears slowly slipping down them. She was hurting, and if there was any way of avoiding this, he would. Better yet, if he could take care of it himself, he’d spare her the pain.
Unfortunately, the only thing he could do was to be gentle.
“Ari? We need to go to the funeral home this afternoon, baby.”
Maybe he was a little too gentle, because she ignored him, never once taking her eyes off the yard. “She used to sit under that tree telling me stories brushing my hair for hours when I was a little girl.”
“Did you hear me? I told them we would stop in sometime today.”
“I’d beg her to stay just till the stars came out, that way I could say goodnight to Daddy. Before going on the road again, he’d always tell me all I had to do was look up in the sky at the stars, and he would be right there watching me.”
Choosing not to push, he decided maybe she needed to talk before being ready for this next step. At least she was talking and not drinking.
“Tell me more, Crash,” he encouraged gently.
Watery green eyes cut his way with a flicker of appreciation before the back yard had again became her sole focus.
“After she’d tuck me in, she would go downstairs to help close up. I’d take my pillow and blanket to sneak back out and fall asleep. But somehow, I always woke up in my bed the next morning. When I got too big for her to carry, she would sit in the lounge chair and sleep outside with me. In the winter, she set up my bed here on this couch.”
Pausing, she brushed her cheek against her shoulder to wipe her tears. How he hated feeling helpless to stop them.
“Lili loved – loves – you, and she showed it with her every action. She raised you strong. Now it’s your turn. You need to bring her home. You won’t be alone, I’ll be here. We have to bring her home. You know you won’t rest until you do.”
“I know that, really I do. It’s just... I wish I had the chance to say goodbye. Did she know how much I loved her? I mean I told her all the time, but did she truly know?”
“Ari, baby. Of course she knew, and she felt it every day. When she went, she was at peace. She knew, Ari. She’s right up there with Sal, baby. In the stars.”
“I guess they’re all together again.”
“Happy and together. Like us.”
Ariana turned, her hand stroking the side of his cheek.
“Like us.”
The tone of her voice was not convincing, but something else was. Her tiredness and sadness melted away as he looked in her eyes, and the strength he’d mentioned showed itself in her quietly determined, “Let’s go bring my grandmother home.”
Jon held out his hand and helped her off the couch, wrapping her in his arms. “I’m right here, I promise.”
“Thank you. I don’t think I could do this if you weren’t.”
“Yes, you could. It would be a little harder, that’s all.”
“Well, I’m grateful I don’t have to find out.” Her lips brushed his in a soft kiss, and she eased from his embrace. “I’d like to freshen up a little. Give me a few minutes, and we can go.”
“S’okay, baby.”
Thirty minutes later, they were seated in a taxi, riding in silence because each was lost in their separate thoughts.
Jon was worried about the effect this would have on her.
Ari was worried about this errand making everything real.
As they pulled up in front of their destination, Jon looked over to see how she was doing. What he found was that she was trying to control her emotions, but when the car came to a halt, fear became evident. Not only in the face that turned to look at him, but in the quiet tremble of her voice.
“I can’t do this.”
“Yes, you can,” he soothed without pandering. “We’re already here. Leaving will only make it worse. Let’s just go inside and do what we came here to do.”
He exited the car, asking the driver to wait for them and holding out his hand to Ari. She stared at it for so long that he thought it wasn’t going to happen, but her fingers finally curled around his. A gentle tug had her joining him for the short walk from the curb through the front door, where they were greeted by an elderly woman seated behind a small desk.
“Bonjour. Can I help you?”
Ariana’s subtle squeeze of his hand alerted Jon that he she wanted him to speak. “Yes. We’re here to pick up Mrs. Leblanc.”
“Oui. I have all the paperwork ready for you, and it says here that you also need to choose an urn.” She pulled a stack of papers from a folder and attached them to a clipboard. Grabbing a pen from the cup in front of her, she stood. “If you would follow me, we can go somewhere it is more private.”
With a tug of her hand and a wink of his eye, they followed behind until they reached a private room.
The room was furnished with a couch, loveseat, and two armchairs, which were situated on the far side of the room. Over to the left, there was a rectangular table with six chairs, almost like a dining room table. There was a small television on the right, which was most likely used by little children while their parents tended to business. It was silent now, leaving only the soft hum of soothing music in the background.
“I think you will be more comfortable in here,” the woman said with a smile of professional courtesy. They both took a seat on the couch she nodded toward, and she handed the clipboard to Jon. “The urn catalogues are on the coffee table. Take as much time as you need, and I will be out front when you’re ready. The phone over there connects directly to my desk.”
Once they were alone, Jon turned to face Ari, and pulled her hands into his lap. The warmth seeped into her chilled fingers, and he dipped his head to catch her downcast eyes. “I’m here, Ari. I got you. Okay?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Good. Now, should we start with the paperwork or the catalogues?”
Paperwork was more detached. If she had to look through a catalogue for an urn, she would lose it. There was no doubt in her mind.
“Paperwork. Why don’t you look for an urn? That way we won’t be here too long.” She took the clipboard from him, unclipped the papers and began reading over them without lifting her head.
“You mean so that you don’t have to make it real. S’okay. I’ll do it, but you’re going to eventually have to come to terms with all of this.”
His presence had gone from comforting to grating in the space of one remark, irritating an already agitated Ariana.
“Kick me while I’m down, why don’t you?” she snapped.
“Don’t get bitchy with me for telling you the truth. Once upon a time, you liked that.”
“Oh, trust me, I see. I feel. I know just how real this is. And what is that supposed to mean? ‘Once upon a time’?”
“Nothing,” he said agitatedly, flipping through the catalogue with more energy and concentration than was necessary.
“If it meant nothing, why did you bother saying it?”
“Ariana, I’m not fighting with you here. Finish the damn paperwork.”
“Fine,” she huffed and went back to what she was doing.
Jon shook his head in disgust and snapped another page. Only they could argue in a funeral home.
Only we could argue in a funeral home, Ariana thought, knowing it was her fault. He’d done nothing but try to be supportive, and she was being snappy because… Well, because he would let her without leaving.
Sighing, she put both the pen and finished paperwork on the table.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I am avoiding.” Sliding close to him, she reached for the catalogue he was manhandling. “Here, let me do this.”
He relinquished the book, smiling at her with what almost appeared to be pride. Yay her, Ariana supposed, knowing she could pull her big girl panties up with the best of them.
They were halfway through the second catalogue when Ariana stopped on a glossy, antique, petite black box.
“That’s it. I want this one.”
It was understated, simple, and elegant, just like Lili. There was a gleaming platinum lock and key accenting the beautiful brushed sable finish of the little treasure.
“It’s beautiful,” he approved.
As if having the pressure of picking out an urn off her shoulders wasn’t enough relief. His agreement went that much further in easing her burden. He really was there for her.
“I’m going to need your help with something.”
He didn’t even hesitate. “Name it.”
“Lili didn’t want anything grandiose, but it would mean a lot to me if you would help me put her under our tree.”
“I think she would love that very much.” Again, there was that touch of pride in his voice. There was no way in hell she thought of him as a father, but it was reassuring to have his approval. It was reassuring to have him.
“Thank you, Jon. For everything.”
“Crash, you don’t have to thank me, I’m where I wanna be.” Jon stood and crossed the room to where the phone was and picked up the receiver. “We’re ready for you now.”
♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱
The onset of evening had caused the light in the room to dim, and Jon had to blink few times to get his eyes to adjust.
After their emotional afternoon, they had come back to the apartment and curled up together on Ariana’s old bed. The last thing he remembered was the two of them holding one another, so they must have fallen asleep.
Correction. I must’ve fallen asleep.
Because he was alone.
He called out for Ariana, but got no answer.
Nothing to get bent out of shape over. She couldn’t have gone too far.
Combing his fingers through his hair, he went to find her, starting with the most obvious places. When he didn’t find her in the bathroom, living room or kitchen, Jon realized where she must be.
He returned back to the bedroom, folding the bed blanket over his arm and heading for the verandah. Shadows covered the yard, but there was still just enough daylight to easily spot her under the tree.
Her tree.
Oh, baby.
He padded down the stairs, and the chilled evening ground against his bare feet caused him to shiver. That’s all the acknowledgement he gave the temperature, because as he got closer, he could see that she had dug a small hole at the base of the tree – and sitting next to it was the box they’d chosen this afternoon.
Wrapping the blanket around his shoulders, he sat behind her and pulled her close between his legs.
“Baby, why didn’t you wake me? I said I would help.”
“I didn’t want to wake you. You looked so peaceful. Besides, I needed to do this myself.”
“You’re shivering. How long have you been out here?” He rubbed his hands up and down her arms.
“I dunno. Sun was still out, though.”
There was nothing he could do to ease her pain. All Jon could do was be here as she did what had to be done.
He wrapped her tight and whispered in her ear, “Baby, it’s time.”
A single drop of grief formed in the corner of her eye – and then the dam broke. Sob after sob after sob echoed in the darkness, while Jon’s heart ached with both sorrow and sympathy for the woman he loved.
Gently clasping her fingers, he interlaced them with his and guided them to the black lacquer box that held her grandmother. Together, they lifted it and gently placed Lili in her final resting place.
The cool air sang around them as they replaced the soil, still working in tandem. With each scoop of dirt, the sobs grew less pronounced. With each tenderly placed bit of earth, the agony dimmed until there were only sniffles.
When the last mound had been patted into place, Ariana bent to kiss the ground and whispered, “Au revoir, Mamam. Je t’aime. Vous etes avec les étoiles maintenant.” (Goodbye, Mommy. I love you. You are with the stars now.)
By the time she turned to Jon, it was he who had tears in his eyes. All it took for them to spill over was Ari’s weary request.
“Take me home.”
