201 - How Far We've Come

 

October 11, 2010

Canadian Thanksgiving

 

Ari awoke early to a silent house. Nobody else was stirring, but she couldn’t lie in bed any longer. Last year, they had missed the tradition of providing Thanksgiving dinner for the Petit Soho neighborhood because of her grandmother’s death. She wanted to make up for that, and that meant getting a head start on what would be a very busy day, especially if she was to find a moment of quiet before it all started.    

 

She grabbed Jon’s sweats off the floor and, after stepping into them, reached for the chair to snag an old baggy hoodie and pull it over her head. Sneakers followed, and they were nearly silent along the hallway to the nursery whose door was slightly ajar. A gentle smile played at her lips as she envisioned the picture inside before easing open the door to see the real thing.    

 

It was the same scene she’d found every morning since they came home from Rio. Jon was dead asleep, slouched into the oversized corner chair with one leg stretched out on the matching ottoman while the opposite foot was planted on the floor. On his chest was a contented Lily, nestled in with a chubby hand clenching the v-neckline of his t-shirt.  

 

She tucked that memory away in a safe spot and slipped down the foyer. Her keys were hanging on the wall rack Jake had made, and she took them from the hook, grabbing her bag before stepping out into the brisk morning air. The sun was just coming up and the sky was a canvas of gentle color that grew more vivid as she made her way to Petit Soho. Given the early hour, traffic was kind. She only had to share the road with a handful of avid joggers who were burning off calories in anticipation of upcoming feasts.  

 

Unlocking the door, she stepped inside the darkened bar and flicked on the lights, thinking it was the quiet before the storm. Her eyes scanned the room and counted ten long, rectangular tables lining the dance floor. Someone had already set them and awaiting today’s guests.  

 

Her grandparents started Petit Soho’s tradition of serving Canadian Thanksgiving to the community when she was just a little a girl. Last year, with Lili’s passing, that tradition had taken a hiatus, but now she was ready to take her turn and keep the legacy alive.  

 

The thought made her smile as she put her things behind the bar and drifted toward the clicking sounds coming from the kitchen. She had no doubt who was responsible for the noisy activity, and she pushed open the door to find Gabriel and his staff busy with the prep work for today’s menu.  

 

“Bonjour Gabriel! Joyeuse action de grâces,” she wished him a Happy Thanksgiving and went to place a kiss on his cheek. 

 

“Et á toi, mon petit papillon! Tu et seul?”   

 

“I love it when you call me a butterfly, but I feel more like a moth some days,” she joked before answering his question. “Oui, I am alone. There are a few things I wanted to take care of before everyone arrived, so Jon and the kids will be here a little later.”    

 

“Tu travailles trop fort!” he called to her as he stepped into the walk-in.

 

“You work just as hard as I do!” She laughed while reaching for her coffee mug.  

 

When it was filled with fresh-brewed coffee, she let the steam warm her nose as she climbed the wooden staircase she’d climbed a thousand times before. The door to her childhood home was already open when she reached the landing, meaning someone had already been up here this morning. More evidence of that was the exquisite autumn floral arrangement sitting on the banquet. Lush roses bloomed in bold shades of burnt orange, mustard and terracotta that were accented by an array of eucalyptus.

 

Ari closed her eyes and inhaled the wonderful scent, holding for a moments' time before exhaling gently. It was almost as if Lili was still here. Her grandmother had always had fresh flowers in the house, no matter the time of year.  

 

She made a mental note to find who was responsible for these and thank them… right after she had a visit with the woman whose spirit still lingered on in this place.  

 

With her favorite blanket from the back of the couch in hand, she looked out into the yard before making her way down the leaf-covered path towards her lounge. After brushing away a few leaves away, she touched a kiss to her fingertips and coasted them over the inscribed stone until it warmed at the touch. That simple action made her feel connected to her grandmother, and not wanting to give that up, she forsook the lounge to sit on the ground with her blanket. 

 

It hadn’t been her plan to have an actual conversation, but the words came out so easily that she let them.

 

“Joyeuse action de grâces Mamie,

 

“I thought I’d come sit out here with you before it got hectic inside. You of all people should know how crazy Thanksgiving Day would be for Petit. And, you guessed it, Gabriel was here at the crack of dawn to prep for today’s feast. It won’t be long before he is driving everyone nuts like always, but we still love him. Of course, he’s outdone himself. There is enough food in the kitchen to feed an army with plenty of leftovers for everyone to take home. 

 

“We are expecting an even bigger crowd this year since we couldn’t celebrate with everyone last year. The usual suspects, Cara and Max will be here as well, along with Jonas. Plus, there will be a few extra family members celebrating with us this year, too. Jon’s family will be joining us. His kids are already here—well, at the loft. His parents, his brothers Tony and Matt—and Matt’s wife Desiree plus their two kids—will arrive later this afternoon.

 

“I can’t believe it’s been a year already. So much has happened, some bittersweet, yet so much to be thankful for. I miss you like crazy every day. Don’t think that will ever change, but I know you are looking down over me. I just hope I’m making you proud. Oh, and please tell Papi that his ‘secret passage way’ stories live on. Gabriel has been sharing them with Romeo when he is here. We have found him asleep under the pool table once or twice as well.

 

“How’s Daddy? I bet he’s driving everyone crazy with those silly jokes of his. Lily and I talk to him every night while I’m rocking her to sleep. Speaking of Lily, she’s growing so fast! Just yesterday Jake came running to tell us that she started rocking from side to side and almost turned over. Yes, you heard me correctly. I said Jake. Any and every chance he can get his parents to let him spend with us, he does. The bond he has with Lily is precious. Let’s see if he still feels the same way when she starts walking and is all in his stuff.

 

“Balancing all aspects of motherhood has been interesting, but I’m learning. I don’t want to overstep my boundaries when it comes to the older children. Even though Jon tells me not to worry, I do. I don’t want to be called the evil step-monster. 

 

“Jon finished up this leg of the tour. He even managed to surprise me and flew me out for the last show followed by a few days of just us away. Rio, of all places. He even had Carol and John come stay with Lily so I wouldn’t worry. Though I did at first. He told me he knew today would be difficult for me and wanted to show me how far we have come. It’s still surreal to me sometimes. Being in Rio these last few days with Jon, I realized just how our lives have come full circle and that there is no other place I would rather be. 

“Oh, I forgot to tell you the most important thing. I finally have a name for my production company—SAMCO. Isn’t it perfect! It’s daddy’s and my initials. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have the career I do today. The papers should be complete and finalized by end-of-year. I’ve hired a small crew for now and will look for smaller gigs at first. My hilarious husband has graciously offered to submit a bid for next year’s leg of the tour as long as he could get the family and friend’s discount. Speaking of touring, Lily and I will travel to with Jon on Australia/Asia leg of the tour next month, making her younger than me when I was first on the road with Sal.

 

“Well, I better get back before they send the search party after me. Jon and the kids should be here soon, and I want to finish up a few things before they arrive. I promise to come back and say goodbye before we head to New Jersey in a few days. For now, I love and miss you. Kiss everyone for me.” 

 

Kissing her fingertips once again she touched the stone before standing and heading inside.

♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱

  

Jon reached for his fussing daughter, kissing his wife’s cheek and allowing her to continue her conversation with Father Gaetan in peace. They would be leaving for Asia and Australia next month and Ari wanted to have Lily baptized before they left. Father Gaetan had graciously agreed to fit them in after the Gulf Shores show this weekend. 

 

He wove his way through the throngs of people who had joined in today’s celebration, nodding a greeting here and there until he could disappear into the kitchen. Gabriel required nothing more than an acknowledging smile, so he didn’t keep Jon from heading upstairs and to the bedroom. Once there, he gently laid Lily in the middle of the bed just long enough to slip on his coat. Then he worked a hoodie over his daughter’s head, cooing and peppering kisses all over the tiny face that peeked out the hole.   

 

“Your mama thinks she’s cute leaving out this Rolling Stones’ hoodie for you. I’ll fix her. Tomorrow imma get Uncle Matt to order you all the Bon Jovi things he could find, but don’t let your mama know. It will be our little surprise,” he said picking her up with a little shimmy that earned him the precious giggle he couldn’t get enough of. “Now… whaddya you say we take a walk outside my little Lily-bug?”   

 

She didn’t object, so he grabbed the blanket off the couch and threw it over his shoulder so that a hand was free to twist the doorknob. Once outside, the soft folded rectangle was plopped on the ground in front of the memorial stone, and he didn’t bother with unfolding it. The extra layer between him and the cold ground would be a good thing as he settled the little one in his lap to chat with her namesake.

 

“Hey Lili, I have a special guest that wanted to come say hello to you.” Shaking his head, he couldn’t help but to laugh as the words fell from his lips. He knew damn well if she was standing here, she would be calling him out – in French, no less – for using her sweet little butterfly as an excuse.

 

“I know, I know. What can I say? It was getting a little to peopley in there for me. Besides, this little munchkin was fussing so I figured it was a good time to come out and see you. It’s been a while, I know. I’m sorry. I’m sure Ari has been keeping you up to date with all the goings on we’ve had over the last couple of months, so I won’t bore you with them again. That’s not what you’re interested in, anyway. You wanna know about your girl, right?  

 

“Well, I tell ya what, Lili. You would be so incredibly proud of how far she’s come since this time last year. Not gonna lie. I was worried, and for good reason. It hasn’t been easy. Losing you crushed her in a way I’ve never seen her before. I thought losing Sal was bad, but this was different. Not having Helena growing up, you were the only mother she’d ever known. But my girl – our girl – took it one day at a time, conquering every obstacle in her path.

 

“I’d like to think it helped some for her to know I wasn’t going anywhere this time, and those signs you gave her and us along the way were a big help, too.  Like this little monkey, here. Thank you first and foremost for whatever hand you had in sending Lily our way, because despite all those years of her fighting it, Ari is an amazing mother. As I knew she would be. 

 

“Even before Lily was born, she was a natural with my kids who took to her from the get-go. Okay, maybe Jake took the long way around, but he got there eventually. Now it’s us having to tell him he can’t miss school or time with his mother because he wants to hang out with his little sister.”

 

As if she knew he was talking about her, Lily leaned forward to tap her little hands on the chilled stone.

 

“I know the journey to get us here today wasn’t one you may have wanted for Ari, and I’m sorry for that. But like I promised you all those years ago, I will stop at nothing for her and never will. You have my word.”

 

A soft breeze cut through the tree branches, and despite the chill in the air, its touch on Jon’s face was warm.  With the mind of a dreamer, he imagined it was Lili patting his cheek for doing right by their girl.  True or not, it gave him a sense of peace and completion. He was done here – for now.   

 

“I better get this little one inside before my wife comes looking for us. I miss you, Lili. We all do.”

 

Taking gentle control his daughter’s hand, he touched lips to the tiny fingertips that were pinched inside his, and then guided them the stone in farewell. Whatever the future held for the Bongiovi family, he had no doubt Lili would be right there with them.  

200 - Love's The Only Rule

October 8, 2010

Rio de Janeiro

 

 

“I’m not kidding Matty! No interruptions.” Jon barked.  

 

“Jesus H. Christ! I said I got it!” 

 

With a little extra umpf, Matt pulled the door closed behind him. They were still hours from show time and he’d hardly touched his to-do-list thanks to Jon. Hell, he’d barely done anything since the wheels touched down in South America. He went from head of security to Jennifer Lopez in the wedding planner minus the four-inch stilettos and a set of tits. 

 

He hated when Jon concocted one of his cockamamie ideas and expected him to pull it off. Just who did Jon think he was, Houdini? Yeah, he could’ve thrown Jon’s name around with a couple of added promises to be cashed in at a later date, but there were just some things that couldn’t be done. Now the usual pain in the ass his brother was had now become the mother of all hemorrhoids. And a pain he didn’t need or want right now.  

 

Frustrated, he took in a long breath, then exhaled as he continued his way down the hallway to pull off the impossible. When it came to matters such as this, he needed his partner in crime, and he knew just where she’d be hiding. Making his way to the craft service room, he found her sitting towards the back, typing frantically on her keyboard like that Kermit the Frog gif he’d seen one too many times. A whiskey glass filled with three fingers of her drink of choice, no doubt.

 

“Little early for that Jeans, don’t you think?” Matt slipped into the chair next to her.

 

“Guess you haven’t had the pleasure of speaking with Captain I need to get laid yet today.”

 

“As a matter of fact, I just came from there and I need your help. "

 

“Let me guess, he wants you to find Ari and get her here yesterday?”

 

Shaking his head, Matt reached for the glass and drained it of its contents savoring the familiar burn as it slid down this throat. “So, he’s got you on the same mission. I’ve told him a hundred times already today that she will be here. Do you know what the delay is? I called Ma, and she said everything went off as planned and she left on time.”

 

“Yeah, they hit a patch of bad weather and had to land in Miami for a bit.”

 

“Fuckin great! Will she be here by show time at least?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Thank God! The weather already fucked with his plans this morning. I don’t need it getting in the way of him getting his dick wet.”

 

“Thanks, Matty. I’m gonna need a few more of these to get that image out of my head.” Jeanie waved her empty glass at him. “Why don’t you go get me another since you finished this one?”

 

“I’ll get you two. I have a feeling you’re gonna need them.”

 

Flipping him the bird, Jeanie returned to the work she was doing before Matt interrupted her.

 

 

♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱

 

 

The instant she heard him singing in her ear, the so-called baby bubble she’d been living in since Lily was born popped. For Pete’s sake, she had his schedule, not to mention the umpteen times they video chatted since he left, should have told her where and why he sent for her. 

 

Having worked many tours, she passed through Rio de Janeiro more times than she could remember, but she could count on one hand the number of times she had been in this specific stadium. Two. Each of them represented a different milestone in her life and what brought her to the who and why she was here today. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that when this plane landed, she’d be making milestone number three.

 

“Three jacks.” Wearing a big, proud smile, Cliff laid his cards down in front of him, hoping he might finally have a winning hand. They’d been playing poker since they took off. He told her he couldn’t sing for her, but he would do anything to help take her mind off ‘wheels up’. 

 

Fanning the cards in her hand, she set them down on the table. “Straight. Ace high.”

 

“You sure you weren’t a card shark in another life?” Cliff gathered the rest of the cards and shuffled.

 

“Nah. Years of being out on this gypsy highway with nothing to do, you learn a few tricks here and there.”

 

“How old were you when you started playing?”

 

“Eleven. No wait, not quite ten yet. I was spending the summer with my father in Europe. He was working with the Stones.”

 

“Don’t even tell me you learned to play cards from Keith Richards.”

 

“Nope. Mick.” Ari flashed him a silly grin. “But don’t you be telling Jon. He’s already jealous of my friendship with good ole Mick.”

 

Cliff laughed. “You sure do love to bust his balls about it, too.”

 

“Maybe just a little.”

 

Rubbing the back of her neck, she craned her head from side to side. “Do you mind if we call it quits for a little? I’m going to go in the back and stretch out for a bit.” Standing now, she locked her fingers together and stretched her arms over her head.

 

“Do what you need to do, Mama bear. I’m gonna try to catch a few zzz myself.”

 

“Thanks.” 

 

Grabbing her bag off the seat, Ari headed towards the back of the plane, stopping briefly to grab a bottle of water and blanket from Vicky. Once she was comfortable on the couch, she pulled out her phone, queued up her favorite playlist and sent another text to two of the three stooges letting them know she was on to their little shenanigans and that they would pay dearly the next time they needed her help to ward off Jon. 

 

She was going to text Jon next but decided not to. He went through all this trouble planning this surprise getaway for her, and she wanted to let him think he pulled one over on her a little bit longer. There were a few texts from Romeo asking how Meatball was doing without him, as well as one from Jake asking her to convince his father to let him miss school to go to Montreal and help his grandparents with Lily. Boy, did that kid do a complete 180 since Lily was born. Mind you, she wasn’t complaining. It warmed her heart every time she thought about it.

 

She must have drifted off to sleep while checking her emails because the sound of the captain’s voice alerting them they would be landing soon woke her. 

 

“How long have I been asleep?” Righting herself, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

 

“Long enough to miss a storm and a stop in Miami.” 

 

“You’re joking, right?”

 

“No. The storm came in fast, so we had to land and wait it out on the tarmac.”

 

“Can’t believe I slept through all that. I must have been tired.”

 

“Little one keeping you up at night will do that. Will you be returning to your seat for landing?”

 

 “Yes. Now that I’m awake, I would prefer to sit with Cliff for that.”

 

Vicky nodded her acknowledgement. She knew all too well how much Ariana hated to fly. Having her sleep through one take-off and landing was lucky enough.

 

Arriving back at her seat, Cliff had the cards delt and waiting for her. They had time to play five hands, all of which she won, resulting in Cliff grumbling about needing a raise if they kept this up. 

 

When the plane touched down and Cliff suggested they head to the hotel first so she could freshen up a bit she squashed his suggestion. Having slept more in the last twelve hours than in two months, rest was the last thing she needed. 

 

Everything she needed was waiting for her at Apoteose Stadium.

 

 

♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱

 

Apoteose Stadium

One hour to show time

 

If his sister-in-law didn’t get here soon, he would not be held responsible for his actions. The last show before a much-needed break was supposed to be smooth and easy. He should have known today would have been anything but when the rain woke him up. Add in his brothers’ pissy attitude, well let’s just say he would owe Ari big if she got here soon.

 

As if the gods had read his mind, the walkie attached to his collar came to life and Cliff’s voice came across. “Priscilla has entered the building, and she’s hot on the trail.” A chorus of thank fuck came across the wire just as Matt was about to hit the button to reply. 

 

“Roger that, Big Red. Would that be a happy trail or a clear the fucking runway trail?” Matt asked.

 

“I can’t quite tell, but we should be in your sight in... 4… 3… 2….”

 

Rounding the corner Matt walked right into his sister-in-law. “Thank fuck you’re here.” 

 

“Happy. Matty boy. A very happy trail.” She tapped her brother-in-law’s cheek and continued down the hall. “Oh, and Matt...”

 

“I know. I know. No interruptions!” he huffed. It was no wonder they were perfect for each other. Sometimes they were the same damn person.

 

She didn’t hide her excitement whatsoever as she weaved through the familiar corridors nodding and smiling to the crew she passed along the way.  The fast pace slowed when she reached her destination. as she paused outside the door she knew was his, her heart raced and butterflies danced as if it was 1990 all over again, except this time she was on the outside of the room and he was on the inside.  

 

She could almost feel the bass beat of “Fever” between her legs as all the kids disappeared from her mind.  The losses, drama and angst all fell away.  She was just an anxious young woman who’d denied this connection for too long, and on the other side of that door was the man who’d made her face it. 

 

When she pushed open the door and stepped inside, the first thing Ari heard was a guttural snarl.  The flash of blue fire in the irises that flicked to her chest was his only warning before stalking forward and slammed the door behind her.  

 

“I can say the same thing,” he growled before his lips crashed against hers.

 

She had no idea what the hell he was talking about, but she frankly didn’t care.  Ari was overwhelmed by the sloppy, frantic kiss that felt so much like that first Rio night.  Groping hands roamed each other’s bodies like they’d never touched before, and the air between them hissed like a sauna.  Or maybe that was her hissing.  No, not her.  She didn’t have enough breath to hiss.  In fact, if she didn’t pull away now, there was every chance she would pass out before they got to the really good part.

 

Her fingers combed through his still-damp hair as she pulled away, chest heaving.  Buying herself an extra bit of breathing room, she murmured, “What exactly is it you can say?” 

 

Once again, fiery blue eyes slid down to her chest, but this time hers followed along.  He was reading the front of her tank top.  You and tequila make me crazy.  

 

“And when did you start drinking tequila again?” 

 

The fire dulled into annoyance, and he let out a little huff.  “The way I see it, we have about twenty minutes before someone comes knocking. We can spend it discussing my beverage choices or we can fuck.  What’s it gonna be?”

 

“Definitely fuck!”

 

“Then shut up and drop those things you call shorts.”

 

She didn’t need to be told twice. Undoing the silver button, she shimmed the worn denim over her hips kicking them aside the minute they hit her sneaker clad feet. “Show me whatcha got, rockstar.”

 

Pinning her against the door, he worked his lips from that sensitive spot behind her ear to her cleavage—thank you, motherhood and low-cut tank tops. 

 

“Fuck, I missed you! Seventeen days I’ve been waiting to sink my dick into that sweet pussy.”

 

“Chair.  Now!” When he complied, she straddled his lap, sinking down to growl against his mouth with satisfaction.  Worrying teeth found his bottom lip and tugged it between her own as she feverishly scrambled to find his zipper.  His bent, stubborn, uncooperative zipper.

 

He didn’t hide his laugh when she grunted with annoyance. “Need a little help there, Crash?”

 

“I swear sweaty, leather lace-ups would be easier right now.”

 

Replacing her hands with his, he leaned back and flicked the zipper open with one practiced flick of the wrist.  She lifted just far enough for him to raise off the chair and shimmy from his jeans.  They were now both naked from the waist down and she wasted no time mounting him.  

 

“Ohhh, God,” she groaned, dropping her forehead against his shoulder.  “Do you have any idea how ridiculously good you feel?”

 

“I know how good I’m gonna feel,” he countered, kneading the flesh of her ass and using the grip to urge her up and down.  “Soon as you start bouncing on me like a motherfuckin’ hippity hop.”

 

Her laugh was lost in a guttural moan as the human hippity hop started bouncing beneath her.  No child’s toy could feel this hard and soft at the same time.  She dug restless fingers into the back of his hair, tugging as her head fell back in ecstasy.  

 

Too long.  It had been too long.  

 

The fierce friction between her legs was making her brain cells melt.  His breathless swearing only made her hotter.  His hurtful fingertips only drove her more insane.  

 

“Faster, dammit,” she croaked, knotting his hair into her fist. 

 

“You go faster.”

 

“Meet you in the middle.”

 

“Fuck, yeah.  In a sticky puddle.”

 

After that, there was nothing but sweaty bodies and sloppy kisses until they both dove into that sticky puddle with a hurt so good that it was blinding.  

 

“You know how much I love you?” she asked glancing from his swollen lips to his sated eyes. It took them too damn long to get here, but still she wanted to make sure he knew.

 

“Where’d that come from?” It was a rhetorical question, but he knew she’d answer it.

 

“This.” she waved a hand in the air. “Rio. The stadium. This very room.”

 

“What can I say?  Rio’s been good to us, baby.”

 

It sure has, she thought as there came a discreet knock warning them it was time to go. “You two done fucking like bunnies?”

 

They look at each other and grin, knowing that this is who they are, will be and were always meant to be. In unison, they call out, “Never!”

 

199 - Crazy Beautiful Life

Labor Day came and went, forcing them to say goodbye to lazy summer days and the kids, who went back to the city and their mother. It was bittersweet, as Ari enjoyed their time spent with the kids, but she also enjoyed having their rambunctious brood temporarily downsized to her, Jon, Lily, and Meatball. It allowed her to focus and get her head on straight before returning to work. 

 

Sadly, not the kind of work that had her rigging stages and sound equipment, but the kind that took her home.

 

Interesting word, home. Some would say it was where you hung your hat, or even where your heart lived. Others identified it as one’s birthplace. For Ari, it didn’t matter which city was listed on her birth certificate or the newly gained New Jersey driver’s license. Montreal was her home.

 

She supposed it was like her brothers-in-law were always saying. You could take the boys out of Jersey but not the Jersey out of the boys. Only her Jersey was Montreal.  

 

Being out on the road with Jon and giving birth to Lily had kept her from it and Petit Soho for too long. It was time to go back and give Max his well-deserved vacation, and when she walked through the front doors of Petite Soho, it was like walking into a dream. A very surreal dream.  

 

Stepping inside with sweet, darling Lily cradled in her arms, Jon at her side and Meatball trotting alongside them was a moment Ari had never expected to happen. She was a mom. She had her own little family to add to the bigger Petite Soho family that greeted them, and the melding of the two brought Ari a river of tears at the appreciation of the circle of life moment. 

 

In the midst of the river was a smaller stream of salty sadness for those who weren’t there anymore. For Lili and Sal, who couldn’t physically wrap their arms around her and welcome her. But she’d swear later, watching the video Cara took, there were two flickering lights that followed Lily everywhere.  

 

Ari chose to believe Lili and Sal were with them as they reunited with her hand-chosen family members, who regaled them with stories of what had happened in her absence. Every one of them fawned over her daughter like royalty, and none more so than Cara.   

 

Ari didn’t realize how much she truly missed her best friend. The two hadn’t seen each other since Cara jetted in to be by her side right after Lily was born. She made a break from her jet-setting with Jonas on his tour for a meet and greet with her goddaughter before jetting back out again with hugs and tears. It was her turn to travel the world, and Ari wouldn’t have dreamed of holding her back from it.  

 

She was just glad they’d both landed in Montreal together again, even if she had to pry Lily away from her with the excuse that it was time to nurse. While the greasy burger smells coming from the kitchen and watching the neighborhood old timers in a heated discussion on the upcoming Habs season were a welcome dose of nostalgia, she had a more important bit of reminiscing to do. 

 

Stealing a few moments away from the party, she slipped out to the backyard, where it waited like the oldest of friends. The garden and tree were just showing hints of the autumn hues she loved, and the lounger she always sat in was in the same spot from her last trip to the yard — their impromptu wedding.  

 

She kissed the top of Lily’s head with a smile, remembering that cold winter night. She could still hear Richie in her mind, making smartass comments about it being colder than a witch’s tit and for them to hurry it up. 

 

Letting out a long, bated breath, she followed the cracked pathway. Bypassing the chair, she dusted off a spot on the ground and took a seat in front of the engraved stone at the base of the tree. Seeing as this was Lily’s first time here, Ariana had wanted it to be special, even though she understood Lily wouldn’t remember it. She needed it to be special for herself, she guessed.

 

My dearest grand-mère, there is someone I want you to meet. Dis bonjour à ton arrière petite fille… Lily. Yes, you heard that correctly. I named her after you. How could I do anything but? You are my heart, my soul, my light. I wouldn’t be me without you. You knew losing you would all but destroy me, so you sent me the only person you knew who would carry my pain, no matter how long it took. Jon. And when I was being my stubborn self and doubted yet again, you sent us Lily. Our beautiful gift. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish you and Daddy could be here physically to watch her grow-up, but I feel your presence around us every day and in the stars at night. And as I sit here, I promise to give her every ounce of love you gave to me. Now I better head back inside before Jon sends the search party after us. Love and miss you always.

 

Bringing three fingers to her lips, Ari softly kissed the tips before bringing them to the tiny smile of a sleeping Lily, then pressed them over her grandmother’s name. 

 

After the welcome home party, it didn’t take long for Ari’s old routine to fall into place. She spent her mornings in the office handling the day’s deliveries and invoicing, and afternoons found her behind the bar while Lily napped. Evenings were spent in the dusty old basement, giving orders to Cara on what boxes she wanted pulled from under the stairs. 

 

She was looking through some of her parents’ old treasures. That big, empty loft Luc had been dying to show her was perfect, but it needed some accessorizing. While digging through treasures for the perfect pieces, they even stumbled upon a couple of boxes full of Ari’s belongings. 

 

There were things in there she hadn’t thought about in years or even remembered packing up. Things like all the old journals she kept while on the road with her dad. 

 

No matter how much Ari pleaded with her friend to just tape up the boxes and shove them back from where they came, she wouldn’t. Instead, Cara was all too happy to call for one of the busboys to carry them up to the apartment. They spent a few nights curled up on her grandmother’s old couch, drinking and flipping through the pages and reminiscing.

 

What time she didn’t spend with her friend or at the bar had her shopping to fill the loft. Her goal was to have it fully furnished and livable for the kids to come and visit before Jon went on the road to Latin America. Unfortunately, despite her best efforts, that goal went unmet.  

 

Instead, they all camped out in the tiny little apartment above the bar — against Jon’s wishes, of course.  

 

He wanted to book a suite at the St. James, but she held her ground on that one. They all crowded into the cozy three-bed, one bath confines and suffered the type of misery that would eventually become fond memories. Two adults, one infant, four grown children, and one very large, very active dog were on top of one another day and night, and even though he wouldn't admit it, Jon loved every minute of it. 

 

The homemade adventure also gave Jon’s kids a chance to see where Ari spent most of her childhood—when she wasn’t on the road with Sal. Max and Gabriel kept them entertained as well with their colorful stories. Well, only the ones that were shareable to little ears. At night, they took them for long walks throughout the city, where they stopped every now and then for Ari to share some of its history. 

 

Before too long, their time together was over, and it was time to say so long once again. Goodbyes were no longer part of her life now. 

 

Jon desperately wanted Ari and Lily to make the trip to South America, but he knew it wasn’t possible with Lily being so little. He was still reluctant to leave them, however. That’s why, instead of traveling back to the States with his big kids, he instructed his pilot to deliver them to New York and come back to pick him up the next day.  

 

An extra twenty-four hours wasn’t much, but he sentimentally said he wasn’t ready to leave his girls yet. Ari reminded him that he wasn’t going to Siberia or some remote African jungle. He would see and speak with them, thanks to Uncle Tony, who had set up private streaming to keep Jon from missing Lily’s important firsts.  

 

Because Tony was very good at what he did, Ari got the bonus of being able to watch some of the show and helping out whenever they needed her to.  

 

About ten days later, Ari was sitting at her desk and going over the day’s orders when she heard a commotion coming from the kitchen. She couldn’t quite make out the other voices over Gabriel’s, but whatever was happening had Gabriel's apron strings in a twist. Her curiosity piqued, Ari grabbed her empty coffee mug, and she went to find out what was going on.  

 

She was stunned to see her in-laws standing in the middle of the kitchen, and once she got Gabriel to calm down, she learned that Jon had sent them. They were apparently there as part of some kind of secret mission he’d engineered. When she pressed for details, they claimed they weren’t privy to all the information. The only things they could tell her was that they were there to watch Lily, and that she had an hour to pack an overnight bag before a car picked her up. 

 

Figuring that she’d go directly to the source, Ari tried texting Jon to find out what he was up to. When he didn’t respond, she figured he was in the middle of something or ignoring her, so she tried Matt and Tony. When neither of them answered, she knew the three musketeers were in on it together. They were shutting her out, and when the car arrived an hour later, she still wasn’t any closer to knowing what was going on. 

 

All she could do was trust Jon and go have an adventure. Well, that and kiss Lily goodbye while repeating the baby’s schedule to Carol and John for the third time.

 

When she arrived at the airfield to find Cliff waiting for her at the plane door, Ari was pleased. She thought he’d surely give her the answers she’d been trying to get all day, but that wasn’t going to happen either. He had turned against her, too, saying his lips were sealed.  

 

She jokingly called him a traitor as she took her seat and waited while the crew ran through their pre-flight checklist. It wasn’t until Vicky announced the all-clear and the plane started rolling along the runway that her phone rang a familiar tune. Tapping the accept button, she brought it to her ear, smiling at the whiskey coated voice coming from the other end….

 

I never knew how much I loved ya

I never knew how much I cared

Till I wrapped my lovin arms around ya

I give ya fever that's so hard to bear

When You're Feeling Broke And Bruised And Sometimes Shattered

Hi,

While I finish up the next chapter let’s jump in our time machines and take a trip to 2003. Jon and Ari’s story is a work of fiction, no harm or disrespect is intended. 

Tori

November 2003

Half Moon Bay, California

“Sir? We’re here. Would you like me to help you inside?”

 

 “Noooo. Izzz gots it from here.” Fumbling with the door handle, Jon looked back at the driver. “Thanks.”

 

In his inebriated state, it took him a few minutes to finally get his key in the lock and stumble through the door – triggering the security alarm in the process.

 

Fuck!

 

Fuck!

 

Fuck!

 

Raking one hand through his hair, he used the other to flip the keypad panel on the wall. 

 

Please let it be the same code, he thought.

 

Squinting, he leaned in closer to better see what the fuck he was doing. Once he could actually read the control panel, he entered each letter carefully while reciting them aloud.

 

“C... R… A… S… H… annd… enter!”

 

A smile curled across his lips as the persistent beeping finally stopped. 

 

Dropping his bag to the floor, he tossed his keys in the bowl, then fumbled his way from the foyer to the kitchen. 

 

“Honnnnney, I-II’mm home!”

 

His voice echoed through the dark room and was the only sound to be heard.  

 

Just his luck that she wasn’t here. He probably should have called first, but his mind wasn’t in the right place to observe etiquette when storming out of the house. 

 

Walking over to where he knew she kept the heavy stuff, Jon grabbed the first bottle he saw, twisted the cap, and took a swig.

 

Of all the fucking things she could do to him.

 

Not Ari. No, his Crash would never do something this low.

 

Fucking Dorothea!

 

God knew he was the furthest thing from an altar boy, but she sure as shit wasn’t Sister Mary Innocent, either. 

 

Knocked up! 

 

The icing on the proverbial “Buddy, you’re fucked” cake.

 

One mother fucking test could give him the answer to the question he asked her.

 

Is it mine? 

 

He was no Einstein, but he could do the math—and something didn’t add up.

 

But no. She won’t do it. It’s her way of punishing me for all these years. Well, I’m done playing games. No test, no marriage.

 

Draining half the bottle in his hand, he reached for another and staggered toward to the patio and its welcoming lounge chair. He banged his shins on the side before plopping down with a sigh to toe off his boots.   

 

As he fell onto his back, his eyes drifted up to the comfortably fuzzy blanket of stars. They were pretty and peaceful, which wasn’t a bad thing. It just wasn’t the thing he’d come here for.  

 

“Where are you Crash? I need you.”

 

♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱

 

 

The Rolling Stones’ Licks Tour and Bon Jovi’s Bounce Tour combined had 143 shows, 7 continents and too many cities for Ari to remember. Sleeping in her own bed was going to be heavenly—once she got there.  

 

A roadie’s life wasn’t for everyone.    

 

“First in, last out” was what Sal always said.

 

She was approached by not one but two of the world's top selling bands, both of whom wanted her on their crew at the same time. It was hard to say no to that… and she didn’t.

 

As a result, she’d been “Bounced” and “Licked” all over the world for the last sixteen months—and it was just as exhausting as it sounded.  

 

As soon as the last case was closed following the last Stones’ show, she gratefully listed the Licks tour as one for the books. She wasted no time grabbing a quick shower and her backpack before hightailing it to the airport. She would undoubtedly catch slack from her crewmates–and Mick for that matter–for missing the obligatory end-of-the-tour after party, but she didn’t care.  

 

Her beach and her bed were calling her name.

 

Stepping out of the town car, she hitched her backpack over a shoulder and thanked the driver once more before closing the door. The faint smell of the ocean and crisp night air infiltrated her lungs as she took in a deep breath.

 

Home Sweet Home.

 

She didn’t care that it was the middle of the night. The sound of waves crashing against the shore lured her down the cobblestone path that wrapped around to the back of her house. It would only take a few minutes watching and smelling the ocean from her patio to soothe her travel weary mind and body. Then she’d sleep like a baby the minute her head hit the pillows. 

 

What didn’t expect when rounding the corner was… him. Asleep on the over-sized lounger.

 

More like passed out cold.  

 

To say he was disheveled would be putting it nicely. He looked like a bum who’d lucked into a comfortable gutter. There were empty bottles of Jack Daniels and tequila scattered on the flagstone, along with his shoes and a discarded blanket. His bare feet had sand stuck between the toes and there was easily a week’s worth of cigarette butts in the ashtray.  

 

The French doors leading into the living room were ajar, suggesting that her house was another wing to his gutter. She’d given him a key and alarm code years ago, so it was possible—and by the look of things inside, he’d been bumming it for a while.  

 

But why? 

 

They had talked a few times after her gig with Bon Jovi ended and again a handful of times while she traveled with the Stones. Nothing too long. Just their normal same ole same ole. A few times he was a little out of sorts, but she just chalked that up to his typical transition from “touring Jon” to “home Jon”. 

 

Whatever had happened, it was bad enough to bring him here without a phone call. 

 

Setting her bag down, she inched her way closer to him. 

 

“Done... Over… Not mine.”

 

The words made little sense to Ari, but they were the few she could decipher from the incoherent mumbling as he stirred. 

 

Not wanting to startle him or wake her neighbors, she whispered softly, “Jon.”  

 

Nothing. 

 

“Jon.” This time she gently stroked the leg that dangled from the chair’s edge, but still nothing. 

 

Gently sliding into the empty space between his legs, she caressed his cheek. “Jonny. Wake up.”

 

Heavy eyes fluttered open to the voice he’d been dreaming about, but it took another few seconds before Jon was oriented enough to realize she wasn’t a dream. He jerked into an upright position, grabbing for tangible proof that she wasn’t an illusion.

 

No. She’s here.  

 

“Crash. Baby, save me.” 

 

His desperate plea left her broken as reckless hands coasted along her body. There were only a few times she’d seen him like this, and tonight, like those other times, it tore at Ari’s heart. He needed her, and she’d let him take what he needed. It didn’t matter that they were outside or that it was freezing. 

 

She brought his face closer to hers until their lips were hard against each other’s—needy and forceful. They’ve made love many times, but this time would not be one of them. 

 

His definition of saving was uninhibitedness. Recklessness. Fuck me till the hurt is gone.

 

That’s what this was going to be, and that was okay.

 

Calloused fingers gripped her face with such force she wasted no time wrapping her arms around his neck. Her fingers tangled with the unruly ends on the nape of his neck as he bit her lip. Ari’s mouth parted, another breath escaping when he urgently massaged her tongue with his. 

 

Jon broke the kiss, breathless and puffing hotly against her cheek. “Pants. Off. Now.”

 

She stood to do as she was told, first toeing off her boots. The blue eyes fixated on every move were bloodshot and bleary, but that didn’t detract from the fact that they were flooded with lascivious want.  

 

No, need. Like he wouldn’t survive the night without her.

 

Her legs moved to straddle him. 

 

“No!” He took action, turning her so that she knelt with both hands braced on the back of the lounge chair.

 

“Crash, I won’t hold back,” he warned with a crack in his voice.  

 

She didn’t care, but there wasn’t time to assure him. A deep moan cut through the night as he entered her in one swift movement – and he didn’t stop there.  

 

His pace was viscous, each slamming thrust harder than the last. Callused fingers burned her hips, and their scalding fingerprints were all that kept her from being driven further up the lounger. He wouldn’t let her escape the demons that chased him, and those horny devils wasted no time in ripping the first orgasm from her body. His name was an unintelligible cry as her body convulsed around him.

 

Jon was still a rock-hard presence inside Ari as he flipped her and pressed her into the cushion. Instinctive legs wrapped around his waist as tumultuous blue irises begged for salvation, and his furious pace began again as he chased it. Over and over, he pounded into her until it was no longer clear whether he was chasing or being chased.

 

Each rhythmic beat was accented by the tormented cries of “Liar! Done! Bitch!”

 

In the space of each breath, Ari soothed, “It’s just me. It’s just me. It’s just me.”

 

Squeezing herself around him, she could only hope he knew she was there – with him, for him – to give whatever he needed to take.

 

The second orgasm washed over her just as violently as the first, and her heels dug into denim that had been pushed down just far enough to get the job done. Convulsions shuddered through her in waves, settling into nothingness when she felt the deep rumble of his release against her neck.  

 

His forehead was tucked into the crook of her shoulder, with the only sound that of Jon’s labored breathing as he recovered. When it slowed, Ari cupped hands over stubbled cheeks, tilting his face in the moonlight.  

 

She found his turbulent eyes were no longer saturated with chaos but had calmed like the sea after a storm. As he held himself inside her, they were placid reflecting pools of sorrow and forgiveness that disappeared behind closed lids as his lips crashed against hers.  

 

She parted readily, accepting his tongue, and going a step further to deepen the kiss. Stealing the very breath from him until he broke away, rolling them and tucking Ari close.

 

“Crash, I’m...”

 

“Sssh.” She kissed his cheek and drew up the fallen blanket to cover them.  

 

♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱

 

Thanks to jetlag and Jon, she got little sleep that night.  

 

The sky shifted from black to pink as the sun slowly crested the horizon, and a new day spilled brilliantly over ocean ripples while Ari replayed events in her mind. She could count on one hand the times she’d seen him in that state, and every time he’d call her to come save him… she had. 

 

This time, she wasn’t so sure she could. 

 

“Whatcha’ thinking ‘bout Crash?”

 

Pushing herself up, she sat cross-legged to face him. “Hey you. How long have you been up?”

 

“As long as you.”

 

“Why didn’t you say something?”

 

He touched soft lips to her fingertips, brushing them gently with a kiss. “About last night…”

 

“Jon. if you’re going to apologize, don’t.”

 

“I said some pretty harsh things and had no right to.”

 

Closing his eyes, Jon tried to clear events of this last week from his mind.

 

“Look at me,” Ari commanded quietly, waiting until she held his gaze before continuing. “The physicality of last night is not what I’m worried about. Finding you passed out drunk in my backyard and not knowing why you didn’t call is. How long have you even been here?”

 

“I dunno. A week, maybe? The days and nights started to blur into one.”

 

“I can see why.” She waved her hand at the empty bottles. “Wanna talk about it yet?”

 

He knew prolonging the inevitable would only make this harder. There was no easy way to explain the situation other than to just say it. 

 

“Dorothea’s pregnant.” 

 

“I see.”

 

Jon sensed the slight change in her body language and reached for her hands. “I’m not sure it’s mine.”

 

“Why do you think that?”

 

“Jesus Christ, Ari. I’m not a fucking idiot! I’ve done the math,” he declared with venom.

 

Tossing the blanket off her shoulders, she snatched her hands from his and stood. “I’m not the bad guy here, Jon. So, when you’re ready to talk to me, I’ll be inside.” 

 

“Wait.” He caught her wrist as she started to leave. “Don’t go.”

 

This wasn’t their first rodeo and definitely wouldn’t be the last. In all their years together, she’d never taken any of his crap. She sure as hell wouldn’t start now, but if he wanted to talk and be reasonable, she'd listen.

 

Sitting back down, Ari combed her fingers through his messy hair and invited, “Start from the beginning. Then we’ll talk.”

 

She listened to him talk for the next half-hour, allowing him to repeat things she already knew because it seemed like he needed to say them. Allowing him to explain the math he’d done.  

 

It had been three months since he’d been home when Dorothea drop her little “bombshell”, as he called it. At first, he said he was dumbfounded, because they were supposed to be done after Jake. They’d both agreed to it, which was why his next reaction was to ask if he was the father.  

 

That was when the proverbial shit hit the fan, as he put it. 

 

At this point in the story, Ari could see his demeanor changing, so she patted his hand gently and retreated inside for a minute. When she returned, it was with two glasses and a fresh bottle of Jack Daniels. She settled next to him on the lounger and handed him the first filled glass.  

 

While she poured herself one, he continued by revealing Dorothea’s flat refusal to have a paternity test. That was the breaking point and when he threw some shit in a duffle bag before she’d even had the chance to respond to his ultimatum – have the test done now, or he was gone.  

 

He’d just left.

 

“And here I am.” He brought the glass to his lips with a sigh.

 

“Can I ask you something without you biting my head off?”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Don’t be a dick. You know exactly what I mean.”

 

Jon did. Whether or not he liked it, he was about to get the Moretti special—sit there, shut up and listen. And if he didn’t, he’d be left sitting out in the cold with nothing but that half bottle of Jack and a blanket.

 

“Would it make a difference if the baby isn’t yours?” He opened his mouth to answer, but was silenced by the index finger she pointed at him. “Hear me out. There’s a good chance you are the father, but if you’re not, what would change?”

 

“Dammit! That’s not the point!”

 

“Then what is? You can’t possibly be mad at the notion she cheated? That’s a little ‘pot calling the kettle black’, even for you.”

 

Frustrated hands raked through his hair. “One motherfuckin’ test! That’s all I asked for.”

 

“Did you stop to think about how Dorothea felt?”

 

“How she felt? I’m the one who was blindside here.”

 

“But were you? You just said that you both agreed you were done after Jake. Maybe Dorothea was just as surprised.” 

 

“Care to explain it to me?”

 

“Let’s be honest here. We all know you’re not living the celibate life when you are not on the road.” His head slowly lowered. “Un-huh. Look at me.” Once she had his undivided attention again, she continued. “You don’t get to do that with me. Got it!” he simply nodded. “All I’m saying is maybe Dorothea was just as surprised to find out she was pregnant and when you started fling accusations and ultimatums at her, she threw one back at you. One you didn’t like.”

 

Reaching for her hand, he brought to his lips and caressed each fingertip with a kiss before settling their joined hands in his lap. “How do you do that?”

 

“What?”

 

“Help me realize when I’m wrong without coming out and just saying it.”

 

“Well, I'm good at doing that, too.” They both laughed. 

 

“Don’t I know it.”

 

Standing, she extended her hand for him and pulled him up. “We good here Jonny?”

 

 “Yes.” he kissed the tip of her nose.

 

“Good, cause you stink. But I think you should call home first.”

 

She waited until he rounded the corner towards the bedroom before reaching for the bottle and headed towards the beach. With each step, she fought the rollercoaster of emotions she’d been holding in since she saw him lying on that damn lounge. When she reached where the water met sand, she plopped down and exhaled. Hearing him say those two words had more effect the fourth time than the first time she heard them. She had no right feeling this way, but she did. Oh, she knew what they had was wrong on so many levels, yet it hurt just the same. Taking a swig, she let the golden liquid coat her throat as her tears did the same to her cheeks. She’d allow herself this moment before putting on her brave face and head back… to him.