Dropping the kids off Friday at the house that once belonged to her, a house that was supposed to be for their starting over, their new beginnings, was difficult to stomach. A place where they were going to leave the mistakes behind, both his and hers and start fresh had left a bitter tasted in her mouth.
Annoyance. Begrudging. Perhaps even jealousy reared their ugly heads as she stood back and watched her children step through the doorway. One she’d watched them go in and out of a million times, only this time it was to embrace the new wife and her unborn child. How could they? All this peace, love and happiness, like it was nothing.
Of course, there were some bumps in the beginning. Her two eldest had lots of questions, which their father saw nothing wrong in answering every single one of them. Take Romeo, too young to really understand the gist of the situation, but what he understood, he took in stride. Besides, it wasn’t in his nature to be hurtful. For his age, he was one of the most caring, loving little boys she knew. It didn’t surprise her how well he’d adapted.
Then there’s Jake. If any of her children were spitting images of their father, it was him. Sure, Romeo had Jon’s charm and charisma, but Jakey he got all of it, plus looks. It was eerie. Reserved and diplomatic, when need be, but if there was something he didn't like or didn’t want to do — watch out. Though she could see he was still a little taken aback by things.
So where had she gone wrong? She thought she raised them to know the difference between right from wrong — and this was definitely wrong. That's right. She raised them. While Jon was off traveling the world, tour after tour, city after city, bed after bed. Yeah, he’d come home for short breaks, or they'd go see him, but when the tours were over, it wouldn’t take but few months, weeks even before he was in the studio or flying out to Richie’s and the vicious cycle would start all over again.
It was she who would walk the floors in the middle of the night when one of them was sick. She who would wash away the bloodied, scraped knee and kiss it better. She, who would reassure them their daddy loved them, but this was his job. But yet, in the here and now, after all that, he’s regarded as the good one? What a crock of bull?
Okay, maybe it all wasn’t as bad as she was making it. They had their fair share of happy moments. They had four beautiful children, for one. She could still remember the day she found out she was pregnant with Stephanie, as if it were yesterday. Jon was in Europe promoting the Keep the Faith tour while she stayed back in Jersey.
After a long day at the dojo, she headed home exhausted and climbed straight into bed. Two days later, she was still there, feeling as if a mack truck had hit her. Her mother-in-law insisted she see a doctor, so to appease her, she made an appointment. Much to her surprise, she was told she was pregnant. It was something they had talked about and had been trying, but when it didn’t happen and Jon leaving again, they thought it would best to stop until he came home again. With what the doctor told her and her own little calculations, she could figure out exactly when it had happened.
Excited to tell Jon, she called his cell as soon as she got in the car. Knowing he would be at the radio station but not sure if the interview had started, she had tried anyway. Worse came to worse, Jeanie would have answered, but she didn't. He did. Hearing his voice, she wasn't sure over the phone was the ideal way she wanted to tell him, but she had no other choice. His long silence and lack of words, other than, ‘are you sure?’ when she blurted out ‘I'm pregnant’ didn’t surprise her. It was pretty identical to hers when she first heard the news.
She was lulled from her thoughts as a warm arm draped over her shoulders, moved up her back lightly, then stilled, which she was grateful for. She didn't really want to talk about what she had been thinking. Other than spring break and Jon’s birthday, while the kids were with Jon, their time together was usually stolen moments here or there, and she hated spending it talking about things such as this. After all these years and all they’d both been through, she still couldn't believe they ended up like this, here.
It was no big surprise running into him at the Can Do Awards a few months back. With all the charitable work they were both involved in, their paths had crossed many times over the years, but it never amounted to anything more than idle chit-chat. But not this time. This time, her state of mind being where it was lately, she gladly accepted when he asked her to join her for drinks afterwards. They learned a lot about each other that night. He told her that his divorce from his third wife had been finalized and how after all the years he had given up practicing law, but would keep his seat on the Board of Trustee at his company. He was about to do something he had always dreamed of, he was finally going to open a bar.
She, in turn, told him about, without going into too much detail, what life was like being married to one of the world’s biggest rock stars. She talked about her kids and her charitable work. They even shared some laughs about the old days and when the evening was over, he asked if he could see her again. Explaining she was not looking for, nor was she ready for, any sort of relationship, he quickly told her he wasn’t either, but that he enjoyed having a friend he could just talk with. With that, they started meeting up for lunch here and there. She even went uptown to check out his bar and eventually, lunch turned to dinners and they ended up here, back in his bed. A place she hadn’t been for many, many years.
Their story wasn’t a secret, dated in high school. He left to enlist; she hooked up with Jon and the rest was history. Sure, everyone warned them what they were doing wasn’t right, but what was she to do. Not quite eighteen, she was young and had a long life ahead of her to live. Heck, looking back, even the day they ran away to Vegas to get married, she was skittish. Knowing what Jon was capable of, she loved him, was he her first love — she couldn’t really say. Now lying here next to Bobby, she couldn’t help but wonder...
What if.... he never left in the first place?
What if.... she listened to her heart and not everyone else?
What if.... she didn't take Jon back after he cheated on her the first time?
What if… they made another go at it?
Before succumbing to the heaviness of her eyelids, she chastised herself for her last thought.
what if…. he felt the same way too?
Interesting.
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