Still annoyed with Jon, Ariana spent most of the meal talking with Desiree, who was sitting on the opposite side of her. They sat long after dinner was over, just talking about various things, and when Carol had had enough of her sons' kibitzing, she sent them all away so she and John could clean up. Desiree and Ariana headed upstairs with the kids to get them changed into their pajamas, while Jon joined Matt outside on the deck for his after-dinner smoke that his wife and mother hated.
“Gimme one.” Jon held out his hand.
“Thought you quit.” with his thumb, he flipped open the pack of Marlboro and held it out to his brother.
“Okay, Mom.”
Pulling a cigarette from the pack, he placed it between his lips. Accepting the lighter next, he cupped his hands around the end and lit it. Pulling long and hard on the first drag, he held in, letting the tar seep deep into his chest.
“What’s with you? Honeymoon over already?”
“Funny asshole.” Jon leaned back against the rail, resting his unoccupied hand on the ledge.
“It’s not like that.” he took a second drag of his cigarette, blowing out smoke rings this time. “Ari’s being stubborn.”
“NOW! That’s funny. You, calling someone else stubborn.”
“Can you stop being a dick for half a second and listen to me?”
Jokingly, Matt cupped his hand behind his ear, showing that, even with a twelve-year age difference between the two, the usual oldest - youngest brother annoyances still existed no matter their age. Blowing out the last drag of his cigarette, Jon tapped it out against the wood deck and began talking. Knowing Matt was aware of some of what was going on, Jon filled in the blanks and brought him up to speed. Jon told his brother about his concerns and what he thought they should do.
Matt listened mostly but spoke up when he felt his brother needed to hear something other than what he wanted to have happened. He explained that Jon needed to see that this was a whole new ballgame for Ariana. This was her first time being pregnant and just because Jon has been through it four other times, he needed to see it like it was the first.
“When you put it like that….”
“Wait a minute.” Matt pulled out his phone and held it up to Jon’s mouth. “Okay. Now. Say it.”
“Put that away, you ass!” he pushed his hand away. “What I was going to say was, I never really thought of it like that.” Jon blew on his chilly hands. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.” he slapped his brother on the shoulder. “Now, let’s get you inside so your balls thaw out before you need to hand them over to your wife?”
♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱ ♱
“Late for call time, eh? Musta been some wedding night.” Desiree asked as she collected the kid’s clothes from the dresser drawer.
“Oh. My. God. Matt told you?” Ariana felt her cheeks flush. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“For what? Enjoying your wedding night? Don’t be. I only know because Matt was so frantic trying to find you both, he called me every five minutes.”
“Well, it wasn’t like that. With the show, the ceremony didn’t happen until later, and by the time everyone left — I think it was after three that Jon finally shoved Richie out the door.”
Desiree held up a hand, stopping Ariana. “No need to explain. I found it funny, that’s all. Don’t think Jon’s ever done that one before, well maybe not since the 80s.”
“Yeah, well, still embarrassing. If you only knew what Matt walked in on.” Ariana saw the smirk grow across her face. “Oh, great.”
“Like I said, no biggie.” Desiree scooped the baby off the floor and laid him down on the bed. “How are you otherwise? You look amazing.”
There was a pregnant pause between them as Ariana thought about her answer. Just how much did she want to share with her new sister-in-law? They were friendly but not close, but that could change over time. All the girlfriendsshe has were more acquaintances except for Cara. Whom she could tell just about everything to and had done often. But this was her chance to talk to someone who has been through pregnancy; twice. Maybe Dr. Barnes was right, getting another point of view would or could help her some. How bad could it be? She thought Desiree already had some knowledge of her wedding night shenanigans. She decided to dive in and test the waters without going into too much detail.
“Can I ask you a question?” Ariana folded the boys' soiled clothes into a neat pile. “Were you scared? With the whole pregnancy thing?”
“Do you mean with the whole giving birth part or the am I gonna be a good mother part?”
“Both sorta. But more of the first.”
“Well, yeah. Who isn’t? Passing a giant football through a peephole isn’t exactly fun. If you know what I mean, but it isn’t something I would change.”
Ariana laughed at her analogy. That part of having a baby hadn’t even crossed her mind yet, not with all the other things that consumed her brain. “Did you ever worry about something going wrong?”
“Sure. Everyone does. Will my baby be healthy? Will he or she have ten toes and ten fingers? Those are normal feelings to be having.”
The conversation was not going in the direction Ariana had planned. She knew if she wanted answers, she would have to be more specific and tell Desiree what she’d feared the most, which meant she would have to explain why.
“What I am trying to ask is, did you ever worry something would go…”
“Coffee is ready.” Carol peered at the doorway.
Two little kids made a beeline dash for the door, yelling for cookies. Desiree hopped off the bed after them, leaving Carol and Ariana alone. Walking over to the bed, Carol took a seat across from her and rested her hand on hers.
“Ari, sweetheart. Is everything okay? You seem...”
Before Carol could finish, the dam broke, and Ari sobbed uncontrollably. Wrapping her arms around her, Carol ran her hand up and down her back and, in a soothing voice, told her to let it all out. Carol held Ari until her heavy sobs stopped and she pulled away. Using the heels of her hands, she rubbed her eyes, wiping away the remnants of tears that lingered.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Sniffling, she apologized.
“Sometimes we all need a good cry. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Where should I start?” She pulled the sleeves of her shirt over her hands. “I just married the man I’ve probably been in love with since I was a teenager, and I still feel guilty about that. I’ve inherited four stepchildren who I adore and love, but I’m afraid of what they might really think of me. And let’s not forget; I’m forty-three years old and about to have my first child, and that scares the ever-loving shit out of me. Not for all normal reasons, but because I’m afraid of dying like my mother and leaving my daughter and husband empty and alone.”
“My dear child...” Carol took her hands in hers. “No wonder you broke like the Hoover dam.”
Ariana bowed her head.
“Look at me. First, you should never feel guilty about loving someone. We can’t control who we fall in love with. I will not lecture you about the rights and wrongs of your relationship. You are here now, and you are both happy that is all that you should be concerned with.”
Reaching for the box of tissues on the nightstand, Carol handed it to her. “As for my grandchildren, I’ve seen them with you and even if you don’t see it, they adore you just as much. You know the old saying, Rome wasn't built in a day." Ari nodded. "They may not love you yet, but they will. What worries me most is you and these dreams? I don’t want you to take what I’m about to say the wrong way, I just want you to listen.”
“Okay.”
“What happened to your mother was very sad. I’m assuming I’m about the same age as your mother would've been. Back then, we didn't have the technology we do today. Things happened for unexplainable reasons. Your doctors have already explained to you it wasn’t a genetic issue. It was a fluke. Can it happen again? Yes. To you, to Desiree, to joe schmo. But that goes for anything in life. We just don’t know what will happen. It’s God’s will.”
A small smile grew across Ariana’s face.
“What is it, dear?” Carol asked.
“Nothing, for a second you sounded just like my grandmother.”
“Lili must have been a smart woman.”
“She was.”
“And what do you think she would tell you if she was here?”
“That God has a plan for all of us.”
“See?” Carol patted her hands. “What does Jon say about all this?”
Sighing, Ariana ran her hands through her hair. “We saw the doctor about it today and she suggested I take something to calm my nerves and help me sleep.”
“And you don’t want to?”
“No. I’m already afraid of something happening. I don’t want to add to the risk. Does that make sense?”
“Yes. But stress and not sleeping isn’t good for either of you.”
“Now you sound like Jon.” Ariana teased.
Laughing, Carol stood and extended her hand for Ari to do the same.
“I know you and Jon will do what’s best. You just need to talk to him about it more. And if you ever need a somewhat neutral opinion, I don’t want you to hesitate to come talk to me.”
“Thank you, Carol. It means a lot to me, you and John being so nice to me.” Ariana stood and straightened her pants.
“Nonsense. You’re one of us. Now what do you say we go get some dessert?”
“Oh, what I would do for a cup of coffee?”
“One cup won’t hurt you.” Carol motioned her through the door first. “It might even help you.”
Awww I love this. Loved Carol & Ari
ReplyDeleteConversation, it was Great conversation
Between them about the pregnancy.
We better go in so your ball get Thaw out so
Given to your Wife! LMAO 🤣