Giving her some time and space, he turned off the light in the kitchen and made his way to his office. Pulling back the soft leather chair, he sat behind his desk, powered up his laptop, and began reading through the day’s emails. Some he answered, some he forwarded along to Jeanie, asking her to handle them for him. He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there, but shut down his laptop and thought about his conversation with Matt. It had helped to talk things out. Helped him realize things from Ariana’s point of view and how she may be feeling. But why was she crying? Had he upset her that much he brought her to tears? Pushing back his chair, he stood and made his way upstairs for the night.
Crossing the threshold of their bedroom, he found her propped up against the headboard, engrossed in one of the books Dr. Barnes had given her. Wearing nothing but a bra and panties, her eyes never left the book to acknowledge he was there. Toeing off his boots, he walked over to the bed and crawled up beside her.
“Ari.”
“Jon.” Her voice was dry and monotone.
“We need to talk.”
“Not now.” She kept her head buried in her book.
When she was like this, Jon knew there wasn’t much he could do unless he wanted to fight her. And he didn’t. So instead, he did the next best thing he could think of. Scooting down the bed a little so he was eye level with her stomach, he leaned in, placing a soft kiss just above her bellybutton and whispered.
Hey Lily girl, you better hold on tight
Your Mama’s being stubborn, nothing new tonight
She’ll do anything just to prove she’s right
I’ll push, she’ll fight
Ignoring him, she turned the page with a snap.
My head beats like a drum
(All night)
I bet she thinks that she won
(And that’s alright)
I’ll never give up cause
Sometimes she knows that I’m right
From the corner of his eye, he looked over at her when she sighed.
You were born to be my baby
And Lily, I was made to be your dad
We’ve got our hands full with that one
Even if she’s cute when she gets mad
She’ll change her mind just like the seasons
I bet like Angie does with Brad
Peering over the top of her book at him, he shrugged as to say ‘what?’.
Cause you were born to be my baby
And Lily, I was made to be your dad
You were born to be my baby
And Crash, I was made to be your man
Setting the book down on the nightstand, she ran her free hand through his hair and watched as he traced his finger along the seam of her cotton bra. His gentle touch caused her already sensitive nipples to push further through the fabric. Running his tongue along his lips, he took the taut peak into his mouth and gently sucked.
Getting lost in his touch, Ari let her head fall back against the headboard as his fingers found their way to her other breast. Not wanting to hurt her, he softly kneaded her through her bra as his thumb worked one nipple and his lips worked the other. Her eyes flew open when she felt him jolt away with a sour look on his face.
“Ewe.” he ran the back of his hand across his lips. “What is that?”
Ariana laughed, “That would be karma.”
“What the fuck?”
Reaching for a tissue, she carefully slipped her hand into her bra and wiped the damped area around her breast. “It’s colostrum.”
“What?”
“Like breast milk, almost. I was just reading about it. It’s a sign of my body preparing to breastfeed.”
“But this soon?”
“I guess.” She reached for the book, flipping to the page, “See it says here that; the fluid which could be clear, creamy-white or yellowish is the precursor to the real milk I’ll start producing. It doesn’t usually happen to the end of the third trimester but can occur after five or six months and can be brought on by stimulation.” She smiled down at him, “Guess you won’t be playing with the girls anymore.”
Laughing, Jon flopped back against the mattress. Only they could go from mad and fighting, from stubbornness to seductiveness, to relaxed and playful. Maybe it's one of the reason they have lasted this long. Neither one of them put up with each other’s shit. They understood their need for being pissed and respected it.
“What are you laughing at?”
“You. Me, this, us.” He rolled on his side. “I’m sorry, Crash.”
“Me too.” She brushed a strand of hair off his forehead. “I had a pleasant talk with your mother tonight.”
“I had one with Matt.”
“Remind me to tell you about Matt later.” She said.
“Kay. So, what’d you and mom talk about? I noticed you’d been crying. She didn’t do that to you?”
“God, no. I broke down on her.”
“Because of me?” Jon sat up, fluffing a few pillows behind him so their eyes could meet.
“No. Well... maybe a little.” she blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. “I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but I’m a little overwhelmed with everything. Married. Kids. Baby.” He had a look of puzzlement. “I know it was me who wanted to get married. And I’m glad we did. But with all of that, today at the doctor’s and my hormones. It all kinda crept up on me and I lost it.”
“Friends first. Remember. Even if I’m being a dick, that doesn’t change.”
“I know. But we were going to your parents and…” she waved her hand in the air. “Forget it.”
“Nope. Talk.”
“I still worry about what people think or say about us.” His lips curled up at her. “Your kids… I love and adore them, but how do they feel about me?”
“Really?” She just shrugged at his question. “Crash, if you can’t see that they are just as crazy for you as you are for them, then you need glasses.”
“I just wonder if they do it because they love you so much.”
“Don’t! They would never do something like that. What else?”
Blowing out a long breath, she turned as much as she could and look at him for a long moment.
“I love you so much.” she traced his jawline with the back of her hand. “And I’m scared. Scared of leaving you and Lily empty. The way Sal and I were. Even though he never showed it, I could see it. The emptiness in his eyes. The thought of you and Lily feeling any of that, scares me more than anything,” she paused and smiled, “even more than pushing a football out of a peephole, as Desiree so eloquently put it.”
“Listen, I don’t know what I would do if anything were to happen to you or Lily,” he caressed her stomach. “Or any of my kids. But I can’t spend every day thinking about it. It would drive me nuts. But after talking to Matt, I realized that this is all new for you. Having gone through this before, I kinda forgot about that. I didn’t mean to make your fears seem silly or needless.”
‘It’s okay.”
“No! It’s not.” he pulled her into him, her head resting on his chest. “If you don’t want to take medication, I’m okay with that. We can think of something else. Yoga. Meditation. Heck, maybe Dean can suggest something. Whatever you want.”
“There is one thing I was thinking about.” she said softly, tracing figure eights on this chest.
“Name it.”
“I want to go back to work.”
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