11 - Memories

The taxi let them out across the street from Petit Soho, and they stood there for a good fifteen minutes before Ariana finally got the courage to cross.  If it had been anybody else, the waiting would’ve exceeded Jon’s patience by fourteen minutes and fifty-five seconds, but he knew this was a big step for her.  That’s why he stood with her – without saying a word – until she was ready to take it.

Her footfall was sure and steady when crossing the street, but he hoped she’d be able to get through this without a repeat of the other night’s incident.  Only time would tell.

Ariana’s hands had been shaking since getting out of the taxi.  They were still shaking when she wrapped them around the door handle of Petit Soho and pulled.  When she was overwhelmed by the aromas of booze and greasy bar food… then they stopped shaking. 

Nothing else moved either, because she was frozen to a spot just inside the door. 

She tried to move, but literally could not do it.  The only part of her in motion was the mind that was currently flashing back to every other time that she’d been here.  All of them at once, from the time she was a young girl until her most recent visit.  They piled in, one after another, until there was no room left and memories threatened to smother her.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

The heat of Jon’s body warmed her back when stepped in close to whisper, “I’m right here with you, but we don’t have to stay.  Nobody’s seen us.  We can turn around and walk right out of here.  Just tell me what you want to do, and we’ll do it.”

She barely had the chance to hear him, much less make a decision, before there was another familiar voice.  Just as she heard Jon’s voice, she heard a familiar voice coming their way. 

“Ma chère p'tite sœur!”  Warm arms took her into a brief embrace before kisses were delivered to both her cheeks. “Je suis tellement désolé. J'aimais Lili comme une mère et je vais tellement m'ennuyer d'elle.” (My dear little sister!  I am so sorry. I loved Lili like a Mother and will miss her dearly.)

Even if she wanted to leave, it was too late now.  What she did know was that she couldn’t let Max see how she was really feeling. 

Here goes nothing.

Closing her eyes, Ariana blew out a breath before returning his kisses. 

“Hello, Max.  I know you will, as will I. You’re the grandson she never had. Thank you for taking care of things until I could get here.”

He waved a dismissive hand.  “Pourquoi tu ne m'as pas appelé ou répondu à mes appels? J'étais malade d'inquiétude.”  (Why didn’t you call me or answer my calls? I’ve been worried sick.)

“Worried about me? Why would you worry? I was in Europe and it took me a few days to get things settled before I could come home.  That’s all.”

Max cast a quick look at Jon to gauge the honesty in her words.

Jon nodded his head lightly to the affirmative, although he was having second thoughts about bringing her here so soon.  Judging by how long it took her to come inside, the way her body tensed upon hearing Max’s voice, and the way she was pretending that everything was fine… this felt like a bad idea.

His hand found the small of her back as he requested, “Max, could you give us a minute?”

“Sure. You know where to find me.”

As Max went back to his home behind the bar, Ariana peered over her shoulder to find concern clouding Jon’s eyes.  She was making this hard on him.  For both their sakes, she needed to get her act together, and she turned to brush apologetic lips over his.   

“I’m fine,” she whispered.  “Really, I am.  Besides, you still owe me dinner.”

He didn’t look entirely convinced, but he was obviously feeling indulgent, because he said, “Okay, but if at any time you want or need to leave….  Just say the word.  Deal?”

“Deal! Now can we please eat? I’m starving.”

“Lead the way, madam,” he agreed with a wink.

Ariana glided through the bar, her eyes scanning the room as if she was looking through a lens of a camera.   In reality, it was more like a playback of times gone by.  Images of her life flickered by on a highlight reel – and Lili was there in every one.

Running a hand over the aged finish of the bar, she walked down the length of it until reaching the two stools at the far end.  Here, there were pictures of family and friends hanging on the wall, and she slid the stool away to lean in for a closer look.

There were a couple of pictures of her mom as a child, but there were also many of Ariana with the most important people in her life.  There were shots of her mom and dad, then pictures of just her and Dad after Mom had died.  Some of her favorites were those of her with Mamie Lili and Grandpa Camille. 

She couldn’t contain a chuckle when spotting one of herself and Jon, taken the first time the band came to Petit Soho. 

“Look at all your hair!” 

A smiling kiss brushed her bare shoulder. “I wouldn’t talk if I were you.”

Max watched her from the far end of the bar with a smile of his own.  There was obvious sadness in her eyes, yet he was amazed how well she seemed to be handling it all.  He had worked for the LeBlanc’s for many years, having grown up in the neighborhood. His parents would spend many a night in this bar, and Ariana was like a sister to him. 

He gave them a moment before pouring two drafts, which he placed in front of them.   “We had some great times in this place. With many more still to come.”

“Yes, we did.”  A smile curled on her lips as a single tear slowly fell down her cheek, and Ariana raised her mug.  Jon and Max did the same, and she toasted, “To many more!”

After a clinking of the glassware, hearty drinks and the thump of mug bottoms on the bar, Ariana looked back and forth between the two men.  “Can I eat now?”

“Should I bring the usual for you two?” Max asked.

Waving his hands, Jon looked at her. “Please tell me you are not going to eat that… whatever you call it?”

“Have no fear, baby.  I’m not.  Max, I’ll have a double bacon cheeseburger with the works. Oh, and a side of fries please.”

Jon cocked a skeptical eyebrow.  “Double? You sure about that, Babe?”

“Umm, yes.  Someone didn’t feed me all day.”

“As I recall you had something to eat for breakfa...”

Max couldn’t help but laugh out loud as she shoved a handful of pretzels in Jon’s mouth.  “Can I get you the same, Jon?”

Covering his mouth with the back of his hand Jon managed a garbled, “Yes.”

For the next few hours they enjoyed good food, music and conversation, with each recalling their fondest memories of time spent at Petit Soho. 

From the corner of her eye, Ariana would catch Jon staring at her as she talked to Max between customers.  Each time, it caused a rippling sensation which started in her heart and flowed to the pit of her stomach.  

She was thankful to have him at her side now, when she needed him most.  There was only one thing she needed more than his presence, and that was the bathroom.

Emptying her glass, Ariana placed a hand on Jon’s thigh when scooting off the stool.  “If you two would excuse me, I’ll be right back.”

Jon gave her hand a gentle parting squeeze, and Max went down to the other end of the bar to serve a new customer.  That left Jon to spin on his stool, leaning back on the edge of the bar as he perused the room. 

There was one time, during the These Days tour, when he and the boys came in after one of the shows.  They had already been drinking at the after party, so when they stumbled in that front door, they were feeling no pain. 

Flailing his arms but somehow managing to stay upright, Lema shouted, “Drinks for everyone!”

The whole bar cheered – except for Ariana’s grandmother.  Lili LeBlanc didn’t care that they could pay for the drinks a hundred times over.  Her crowd that night was already rambunctious.  She didn’t want Bon Jovi stirring up any more trouble – and she sure as hell didn’t hesitate to let them know that.

The bar owner had stomped over to this very stool and pointed a damning finger at every member of his band while threatening in broken English, “If you cause another fight in here tonight…  So help me God, I will ban you all for life!” 

Then that animated finger landed right in the center of Jon’s chest.  “C'est bon pour toi aussi. Pas de connerie!” (This goes for you too!! No funny business!!)

He hadn’t needed a translator to understand, because it hadn’t been the first time she issued that particular warning.  It had also come after she caught him and Ariana in a compromising position.  Lili was one of the few people that knew about the relationship between him and her granddaughter, but he honestly believed she’d never told anyone who didn’t already know. 

She always chose her words carefully when speaking to him, so as not to offer any clues.  The old woman hadn’t always approved of him, but damn if Jon wasn’t going to miss her. 

Ariana stepped out of the stall that she’d talked to her grandmother into during a remodel several years ago.  The wood walls and doors were a little bit fancy for a bar, but she loved the privacy offered by the high doors and low walls and smiled at the memory when washing her hands. 

Turning off the taps, she caught a glimpse of herself in the big mirror.  The dark circles that had accompanied her to Montreal had faded just a bit, she thought, and there was a little color back in her cheeks.  Jon was good for her, although on second glance, she decided the color could be from the beer.

No matter.  She was still glad to have him here.

The plan was to head right back out to him at the bar, but when she saw a waitress going into the kitchen, Ariana changed her mind. 

Most of the staff had been employed by her grandmother for many years, while others were family members of past employees.  They considered Petit Soho their home, so it bothered Ariana that a few of them had seemed unsure about approaching her thus far. 

She went through the swinging door with the intention of talking to them, but once again, plans changed.  The black and white tile floor, the dishwasher, the smell of food and the far door brought back a rush of childhood memories. 

Beyond that door was what Grandpa Camille had told her was a “secret passage”, and she’d spent many hours playing in there with Max and Cara, making Mamie crazy with all the noise.  In reality, it was simply the enclosed staircase that led upstairs to the living quarters. 

When Ari was in her teenage years, she’d finally figured out that Grandpa had gotten tired of children playing under the pool tables.  That’s why he’d purposely made the stairwell seem more enticing. 

That door spoke to her now.  With the whisper of Grandpa’s voice, it beckoned her, and Ariana sidled past the dishwasher without a second thought. 

The knob was cool under her touch and turned easily.  There was that familiar little squeak once it got to the halfway point of opening, and that’s when she was hit by the aroma of something she’d been missing.

Home.

She didn’t bother closing the door behind her.  Ariana just climbed the wooden staircase without pause until she stood before the door at the top of the landing. 

It had only been a few months since she last been here, but her world was completely different now.  She no longer had a family, yet for some reason….  Here, she could still feel Lili’s presence.

“I’m home, Mamie,” Ariana murmured under her breath when entering the apartment. 

Instinct had her passing through the living room and beating a straight path to the bedroom she’d always slept in.  It looked the same as it had all those years ago when she would come to stay as a child.  Mamie had never redone the room, saying that it belonged to Ariana. 

Everything was exactly as Ari had left it, including…

Her eyes wandered the room till they stopped at the antique wooden box that sat atop the dresser.

Including that box.

Plucking it gingerly from the surface that looked as though it had been dusted just yesterday, she cradled it in her hands and climbed into the center of the bed.  The old bedframe creaked as she got settled, crossing her legs to sit Indian-style, as she’d always done.  It seemed unnatural to sit on this bed any other way. 

When the mattress had stopped swaying from the motion, Ariana put the box in front of her and trailed nostalgic fingertips over the lid.  The contents weren’t important to anyone else but her, and it had been a long time since she’d bothered looking inside. 

Tonight, though, it begged to be opened.