16 - He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

Breakfast and lunch had both come and gone before Jon crawled his naked ass out of bed, and he didn’t even feel guilty.  It had been a long time since he slept this late, and he wasn’t exactly ignoring Ari.  She was enjoying a day out with Cara, which she needed. 

Him? 

He needed to take a leak in the worst way, and then do a bunch of grown-up shit. 

Padding to the bathroom, he scratched his bare belly and started making a mental list.  He was still trying to make it as he pressed both palms against the wall and watched the toilet water turn yellow.  First and foremost, he needed to wake up, and the quickest way to do that was going to be a shower. 

After a quick shake and a flush, he dialed up some scalding water and gave up on that to-do list.  The blood wasn’t flowing to his brain yet.  He could try again when he hit the hotel gym. 

Twenty minutes later, he parked his room key and a bottle of water on the front of the treadmill, grateful that the place was deserted.  Sweating by himself sounded better than being sociable, and he set the controls for a ten-mile run. 

Jon’s feet settled into an easy rhythm that got both his heart and thoughts pumping. 

With all that had gone on the past couple of days, he still had a tour to plan. The next few months would be hectic. With the tour’s kick-off announcement at Giant’s Stadium.

Not Giant’s Stadium.  New Meadowlands Stadium. Don’t know if I’ll ever get used to calling it that. Bon Jovi Stadium would have a nice ring to it, too.

After that, it was off to London and the taping of the London Radio Theater Show.  To crown it all, three shows were scheduled before Thanksgiving.   He’d get two seconds to breathe over the holidays before February had them in Hawaii. 

Then the real work started. 

He was glad to be returning to the road but unsure of how his plans with Ariana would fall into place.  This wasn’t exactly the ideal time to go home and tell his wife he wanted a divorce.  Then again, was there ever an ideal time? 

Through the years, he and Dorothea had their rough patches and always seemed to smooth them over. They had an unwritten agreement of what they both expected from each other, and that seemed to work for them – or it did until about the last year. 

He would always love her.  She had given him the best four gifts in life – his children – while putting up with his bullshit all these years.   God knew it wasn’t easy.  He wasn’t an angel, but then again, neither was she.

In his mind, it was time to stop lying to each other and move on. 

He just had to find a way to tell her. 

Jon didn’t want her thinking he was leaving her after suddenly falling for random woman.  After all these years, it was only fair that she got the whole story, even though it would probably make it more painful.

There had been many other infidelities over the years.  One night stands here and there.  She knew about them, but not about the one girl he fell in love with.  His relationship with Ariana was different, and he’d never known how to explain it.

The more he dwelt on what lie ahead, the harder and higher he pushed his run. So far, he’d pummeled five miles, only five remained. 

Increasing the incline to six, he could hear the thunder of his feet pounding the belt over the heavy guitars coming through his headphones.

How will the kids handle all of this?  

Stephanie and Jesse were old enough to understand at least some of what was about to happen.  It was the little buggers who might not.

No matter what, his kids would always be first and foremost in his life.  He knew for sure that wouldn’t change. It crossed his mind that perhaps he should just talk to Dot about this and hold off telling the kids until after Christmas.

Why spoil their holiday? 

Right?  Or wrong?  Was he only delaying the inevitable for his sake? 

He needed to bounce this off someone else.

Unclipping his phone from the armband coiled around his steer tattoo, he shot off a quick text to his brother.

[2:03 PM] Jon:  Can u talk?

[2:05 PM] Tony:  Sure, everything ok?

[2:07 PM] Jon:  Not really. Give me 30 mins.

[2:10 PM] Tony:  I’m here.

Jon had to call on all his self-discipline to complete the last three miles.  He mentally ordered himself to religiously adhere to his regimen or else he would never be ready for February.   It was a bitch, but he made it to the end. 

During his cool down, he sent one more text.  This time, to Ari. 

[2:26 PM] Jon:  Hey, Crash. Hope you’re having fun. Miss you.

Upon returning to his room, he ordered some lunch before jumping in the shower for a second time that day.  The hot water cascading over his weary muscles felt so good that he stood there a little longer than he should’ve, until he heard a door closing somewhere in the suite.  The noise prompted him to get out, get dressed and go into the living room to check things out.   

By the looks of the dining cart, it looked like his lunch had arrived, and Jon took the grilled chicken arugula salad to the couch.  He placed it on the coffee table in front of him and poured a glass of the chilled Riesling, which was cradled in one hand while he dialed his brother with the opposite. 

“Hey, man, you got a few minutes for me?”

“Sure thing, boss.”

“Yeah, well.  I’m not calling as your boss; I’m calling as your brother.”

Jon didn’t often call for chats like this.  That was Tony’s first clue that something was up.  The second was the sheer tone of Jon’s voice.  It held a quiet agitation, if that made any sense. 

“Everything okay, Jonny?”

“Not exactly.”

“Talk to me, bro. Family okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, they’re good, for now.”

So far, Tony knew nothing more than when he first picked up the phone.  “Friggin’ spill it already, would ya?  I know something’s wrong, but I can’t help if I don’t know what it is.  Where are you?”

“Yeah, I know,” his brother sighed.  “I’m in Montreal.”

“No shit!  What for?”

“Fluke at first. You know me.  I was getting antsy, so I shot Romey’s dart gun at the map in my office and here I am.”

“You’re shittin’ me.  A dart?”

“I shit you not.  It was just someplace to go.  Then I got here and found out that Lili Leblanc passed away.”

“Oh wow! I didn’t know she was sick.”

“She wasn’t.  Just passed unexpectedly in her sleep.”

“Well, that’s good, I guess.  How’s Ariana dealing?”

“Better, now.”

“What's that supposed to mean?"

Jon let out a long sigh and began to tell his brother the whole spiel.  How he found out about Lili, that no one had heard from Ariana, how she to an alcohol coma as one could get by the time he finally found her at the St. James.

"Holy shit! Sal revisited."

"Worse, Tony. She scared the shit out of me.  I've never seen her like this.  I thought I was going to lose her."

“Wow, and all because of Lili?”

“So she tried to claim.  It took a few days, but she finally admitted to me that she’s scared.”

“That doesn’t sound like her.  She’s always been so sure of herself.”

“Tone…. I asked her to marry me.” Before his brother had a chance to tell him how crazy he was, Jon sped on with, “She was afraid of being alone.  She never told me how… how broken she was when I’d leave.  Tony, she shattered every time, and Lili was the one who picked up the pieces.  With Lili gone, I couldn’t leave Ari in splinters again.”

“Whoooaaa, Jonny!  Are you sure about this, man?  I get that you love her and have for a long time, but…”

“She deserves better than what I’ve been giving her, Tone.  It’s time I stepped up.”

There was a moment of silence before Tony quietly probed, “And Ari’s okay with this? Gettin’ engaged while you’re still married to Dot?”

“Honestly? At this point, I’m just hoping she won’t change her mind when she gets her priorities settled.”

“Well…”  There was a deep breath on the other end of the line.  “I won’t lie and tell you I’m shocked.  It’s been a long time coming. You don’t look at Dot like you look at her, even when times are good.”  

“You, of all people, know things haven’t been good between us for a long time.  And, no.  Before you ask, that’s not why I picked now to propose.  Hell, I would’ve done this years ago, but Ari wouldn’t hear it.”

“She’s a good woman. I just hope you’ll survive once it’s in the open. Clandestine to public is a huge transition.”

“Tony, you think I don’t know?”  

“So, how you plannin’ on breaking the news to Dorothea?”

“Well, I’m going to cover my head, first of all,” he joked with grim humor.  “But you never know.  She might be relieved, or even ambivalent. There’s nothing there, Tony. It’s... tepid at best. If anything, she’d be more upset for being humiliated.”

“You might want to remove all sharp items from the room and bolt down the rest,” Tony suggested just as grimly.  “I know that she hasn’t been the model wife, either, but tread easy and make sure you don’t humiliate her.  She’s still your kids’ mother and has put up with your shit for a lot of years.”

“I know that. She’s been a good partner, and I’m planning to wait a while before going public.  I don’t want Ari to feel like a dirty little secret, but surely we can keep it quiet a little longer.”

“And the kids?”

“Stephanie may know something’s up. We haven’t really hidden our feelings lately. Though, I thought we were putting on a good show.”

“Bro, come on, you know you’re a terrible actor.”

“Everybody’s a fuckin’ critic.”  The laugh that came this time was a real one as Jon’s head fell back into the couch cushions.  “I don’t think I’m gonna tell them the whole story.  Not at first.  It won’t help the situation for them to know how long Ari and I have been together.”

“Sorry, were you shot through the heart? That’d shatter the illusion. You know they idolize you – and you’re Steph’s hero, man.”

“Jesus Christ, don’t give up your video job and become a comedian.  That was terrible.”  He swirled the Riesling in the glass absently while trying to justify the decision to himself.  “I just want – no, need – my babies to be okay, Tony. Otherwise, I’ll never be truly happy.”

“Jonny, they’ll be fine.  Maybe not at first, but you and Dot raised them well.  They’d want you both to be happy instead of living a lie.”

“They’ve got thick skin, but this changes everything. If I had any other choice, I wouldn’t do it, but there is no choice. I need her.”

“As she needs you.”

“I’m starting to see that now. She never let it show before.”  He tossed back the contents of his glass, leaning forward to put it beside his untouched salad.  Eventually, he was going to have to eat.

“I’m curious, Jonny.  When do you plan on telling Dot? Before or after the tour?”

“I really wanna get the ball rolling.  I told you I can’t be without Ari, so before the tour.”

“Geez, this is going to feel like a long ass tour.”

“C’mon Tone, cut me some slack,” he requested, picking at a piece of arugula.  The ominous sense of doom wasn’t doing shit for his appetite, and Tony wasn’t helping.  “This isn’t going to be easy on anyone, so the sooner the better.”

“Yes, dear.  Whatever you say, dear,” his brother mocked.

“Fuck you,” he volleyed back, giving up on the salad and pushing it away.  “Listen, thanks for letting me unload on you.”

“Love you too, bro. And that’s not a good visual.”

“So fucking juvenile.”

“Jonny said the F word! TWICE!”

“Goodbye. Try to be productive for once.”

“Why is it always the middle child who gets the crap? Later, fucktard.”

“I’m hanging up now.”